I am writing after so long, matlab really really long. It has been more than a year. Sometimes the things/actions you take have a reason to be done; somewhere, they have been destined. Jaise ki aaj, jaise ki abhi..
I have a few good people around me, like sach mein, who listen to me, who hear me, who guide me, and who stand for me, in my good and bad times. Par kabhi kabhi aisa hota hai ki apne andar ek khaalipan sa rehta hai, aisa lagta hai nobody will understand this state of mine, this abhi state, yeh main jo abhi andar se ghabrayi hui hoon. Yeh main, abhi jo kamzor hoon. I am normally able to manage; they help me, but pata nahi kabhi kabhi kyun ajab sa hi ho jata hain. Jaise koi samajh hi nahin raha, nahin pata, eventually they will get tired of hearing me, aur lagta hai yeh wahi din hain.
Indian parents are hard to approach. Unse normal hi baatein disclose, discus kar sakte hain. I don’t think coming-of-age jaisi problems woh samjhenge. Halanki they claim they do understand a lot, but aap jo baatein samajhte hain, woh poore SAMAJHNE WALE UNIVERSE KA EK CHHOTA-SA HISSA HAIN, ABHI BHI BOHOT KUCHH SAMAJHNA SOCHNA BAAKI HAIN.. my parents are very good parents, they have offered me a stable and respectful life. They are really good, and am grateful to them. But they deserved better kids than we are than I am.. hum unke jaise bachche nahin hain, unki jaisi soch wale nahin hain.. not even thoda bhi..thoda close. Unse ek koi baat karna is tough for me, main pehle jhi- jhakti hoon, I scare..uske baad bolte bolte main kab ladne pe amaadaa ho jaati hoon, mujhe bhi nahin pata chalta. Talks sometimes get into fierce arguments.
Shayad kabhi aisa din aaye ki andar khyaalon ka bikhraav ek productive cheez mein tabdeel ho. Main theek rahu. Jitna hain, jitna mila hain. Utne mein khush raho, shukr manao. Ghanimat hai jitna hain…
Abhi while i was writing this, I was listening to this raag/music jo kahenge. Originally by Amir Khusrao and sung by Farid Ayaz and group. Thoda lamba apko lag sakta hain but pyaar jitna pyaara hain iske bol :)
na neend naina, na ang chaina
na aap aaye, na bheji batiyaa..
